They said, I’m too frustrated to do all things right away
They said, I am irritable because of that thing
but they didn’t know that I was also disgusted with my such emotions
And they don’t know that I just don’t want to be called worthless
Month: May 2021
Woe.
Here I am again, stunned and longing for an unknown reason. And lately, I’ve been asking myself if I’m really happy or I’m just dissimulating. And I get to the point where I’m already thinking that my life is fine, I have everything I need and want, I have a whole family and friends but then I realized that even though I have all that, there is still something missing in my heart…that seems not to be filled by anyone and hard to achieve. I feel like there is an excessive amount of gloom inside me and I can’t openly relinquish it. I need to completely free myself from whatever sort of sorrow I’ve been clutching for such a long time. I have attempted every day to liberate myself from the distress that has consistently been in me yet for reasons unknown, it never goes away. I never opened it up to my family or friends because I didn’t want to make them feel like they didn’t do everything just to make me happy … and I’m afraid they might not understand or they might just ignore the despondency in my heart. So I ended up being alone and dealing all of these with my own. I have no choice but to be okay.
A Swift Outburst of Emotion
Lately, I feel like I’m just fine and don’t feel any pain. But while I was stunned and here in my room, I was in tears and longing for my life back then. I remember the past where I had many friends, people I talked to and shared with me in joys and sorrows. But it hurts me every time it enters my mind that not all friends are real, not all friends are there for the rest of our life, and not all friends will not leave you. I just miss a few things I used to do with them and have to let go of now … but do I/we really need to let go of it or did it just suddenly disappear? It’s just sad to accept that nothing is permanent in the world, everything changes, everything disappears. As I feel now, I know that I will not remain in this situation that I am always overwhelmed with loneliness. I will also find the joy my heart desires. So, we need to move forward in life and never go back to the past. And all I can do is pray that their lives will be fine and that they will be happy wherever they are now.
Not everyone who comes in your life will stay forever.
unknown
Le Journal du Rêveur Pessimiste 